Aktivitäten
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More pretending to care about me…
More judging me…
More getting angry at me…
I went to a non-sensory mass (church) and it was so peaceful and nice and then mom and I went to Walmart. It was fun. And then we got home. All joy drained. It was like having a piece of art you are proud of get shredded. That’s how it felt. My dad immediately started getting sharp at me. And judging. Ugh. I want it to be over. Once my sister moves from her current house and gets an apartment she and her friend said they’ll let me come over to escape. But for now I’ll have to not get sucked into this whirlpool of my breaking point. I’m already spinning around in it.
018. October -
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”It’s all his fault… all his fault… his fault… fault…” these words echo in my head. My father said these words, and similar ones many times before. If I have asthma and an attack is clearly triggered from strong emotions and you’re screaming at me… is it MY fault I have an attack? “Ohh, so now you’re gonna have an ASTHMA ATTACK?!!” Yes, dad. I’m going to have many asthma attacks. But who cares about me coughing up BLOOD on the living room floor. Just blame me… yell… gosh. “What you’re doing… it’s demonic!…” sobbing? Throwing up? Hyperventilating? Quick! I’m suffocating in the kitchen because of emotional abuse! You’ve got to come and glare at me! Ugh. Mom thinks I need to just pretend it didn’t happen. Like my trauma doesn’t exist. My sister and I both have trauma. My dad used her as an INSULT. UGH. THAT MAKES ME EVEN ANGRIER. “Cmon, you don’t want to end up like your sister…” YOU are the reason she was depressed! Why should I trust anything YOU say? Why should I listen to you? I don’t want to grow up like you. Finally I have therapy. But YOU want to go back there too! Yeah, now there’s NO way I can feel a TEENSY bit better, because I can’t talk about my problems with you around. Isn’t that just perfect??! And the time I actually get to go back alone, you get angry! “Oh, now she’s gonna think I’m a monster!” Yeah I definitely lied back there. Like WHAT I’m here so it can help me, not to complain and lie to worsen your stupid reputation! And yeah, you sort of are a monster! I can hardly stand him now. If he walks into the room he always swings the door, and it always makes my heart skip a beat. When he sings he sings VERY loud and I get the same feeling as when he screams. And his quieter singing just reminds me. He always uses the Bible against me. “It never says in the bible to disrespect your parents” WELL IT ALSO SURE DOESNT SAY TO ABUSE YOUR CHILDREN. Also he always says that I’m being abusive. That I’m abusing him. Why… my trauma is like a whirlpool… it’s always sucking me in. And then I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t talk. My breathing gets unsteady. My cousin and my sister are my only safe havens. But not like I can up and leave… once I can legally drive you know i am HIGHTAILING IT OUTTA HERE every day. And that gives me hope. It’s like the light at the end of the tunnel is just a matter of a few years away… but while I’m back here in this wretched trauma-tunnel, I’m just gonna barely hang in there on a thread, until I get pulled up out of this ditch of despair.
015. October-
Dragonfly102024🥺😔🥺. Hope this doesn't sound weird, but, I wish I could hug you. Just want you to know I hear you. Hang on tight to that thread of hope and take it one day at a time. Whatever you do, don't give up. Know we are here too., for you.
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Hades0918Oi. I'd genuinely kidnap you if I could. You deserve out. I'm sorry you go through this... That's just awful. I... I wish I could do more. I'm here for you though. Any time any day
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PokeMom244
I wish I could hug u too..
I'm so sorry..
You don't deserve this..
Thats horrible..
What D said, we are here for u. -
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AlolanCassianThe loyal rat... A close friend of mine told me many great things about you. I wish you luck on your quest of freedom and relief. I, too, am here for you
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Dragonfly102024
Big huge group air hug!!! Watch out! You might just feel it in the energy, @Morpekofreako !
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Morpekofreako
thanks… also… I have a sneaking suspicion about @AlolanCassian…. Hmmm. Anyway… I could use a group hug.
dad gave me a lecture after I mentioned that my therapist and I think I have adhd. “Well EVERYBODY has a short attention span nowadays.” 😑 I don’t even have too much of a short attention span (…all the time lol) And I never said I did, so obviously YOU do because you can’t even tell what I’m saying! Also he says that “everybody thinks that they have adhd.” sighs earlier in piano lessons I completely forgot what my substitute teacher said DIRECTLY after he said it. I was so sure I knew… and then I did it again because I was thinking “man I really need to think about getting an adhd test” so I DIDNT HERE TGE NEXT PART LOL. It’s like I knew what he said but my brain decided to forget half the sentence. : “So I think we should be working on this week…—…major…—…minor..—… modes…—… b flat scale…—… that sorta make sense?” me, ignorantly shakes head pretending I’m not struggling to use my goofy lil brain “Cool.” -
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clasingla
I feel awful for you, I feel you too parents caring more about representation than wellbeing the thought of disassociating once your old enough, your father seems really scary I really wish you didn’t have to deal with that situation if you need to talk more about it I think everyone here would be willing to listen
Also joins the hug
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Morpekofreako earned the 1,000 Likes badge.You received 1,000 Likes. The more you post, the more people like it. Keep it up!18. October -
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I have the sudden urge to grind super hard to get a pikachu to level 99 in plza and teach it volt tackle and then add it to my team consisting of Pokemon in their level sixties. Who do I get rid of…im keeping my morpeko, and I’m keeping the haunter. Now that leaves me with alpha starmie, Feraligatr, Barbaracle, and talonflame… im thinking Starmie…?
016. October-
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Morpekofreako
Pretty good. My cousin came over but also kept attacking our animals in our Minecraft world lol
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Morpekofreako earned the 500 Agrees badge.You received 500 Agrees. It ain't no fluke, you post great stuff and we're lucky to have you here.12. October -
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I think I’ve discovered one of my favorite shinies…
look at her! That blue tongue! Aahhhh! So cute and kooky! Anybody else like a specific shiny? (Also I’m never evolving Zil)
05. October-
Ember2026My favorite shiny of all time has to be... The Bacon Bird, aka Yveltal! Makes me hungry... Anyways, it looks like she ate a blue raspberry popsicle or something, lol
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mom let me borrow her Apple Pencil last night and I finally felt alive! I’ve got a new Pokemon bug I want to post two together due to the long wait..
010. October-
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Morpekofreako
sadly my mom wants me to find the Apple Pencil BEFORE I BORROW HERS AGAIN 😭 maybe I can convince her to let me… just this once…?
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Morpekofreako
just gotta color the regional dubwool and add Pokédex entries to the regional variants and I’ll be done. Moms using her pencil rn though.
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Morpekofreako
pretty good! I mean a bit of stress and a bit of sadness but it was ok. I went to my grandmother’s house and my little cousin was there. He LOVES Pokemon! He only really plays tcgp but watches the anime (as all children should lol) and collects irl cards too. Big age difference but we’re still pretty good friends. Used to, we weren’t, as we hardly talked to each other until I really felt bad… I knew how he felt, being the youngest. When everyone is older than you, sometimes it’s hard (of course sometimes that changes depending on the family). No one wants to be your bud, because they’re years older. And then after a while, apparently, I made a good impression?! That’s what people said!! I know! Insane! Well yeah now he’s more polite! (Especially with the adults) my grandmother says that he’s always talking about how nice I am and that he loves hanging out with me. 🧡 so yeah that makes me happy. How was yours??
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Hades0918
That sounds amazing! My day has been good! I'm enjoying the rp thing I started. Had fun interviewing with Clasingla. Made some Pokemon OCs. And I actually think learning the way memory works is fun! Pretty good all in all!
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RitattakDiva
Extro-what ? Never heard of it. You invented a word, man ? Extro-things never existed !
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I have three water types on my PLZA team… but who cares… sigh they are also the only members of my team who can mega evolve lol. My team: Morpeko, Feraligatr, Barbaracle, Talonflame, Haunter, Starmie.
My Barbaracle and Starmie don’t know water type moves tho lol
07. October-
Hades0918
My team had 2 Fire types and 2 Water types! And Technically 2 Dragon types. OH!!! And 2 Psychic types. It was: Charizard (could Mega X), Feraligatr (could Mega), Delphox, Greninja, Chesnaught, Gardevoir (could Mega)
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Morpekofreako
Do they have nicknames?? Mine are: Nomnomar the Morpeko, Chormps the Feraligatr, Tuhan & co (when it was a binacle I named them Tuhan&Zonroc. Say it out loud and I think you’ll understand) the Barbaracle, Ember the talonflame, Zil the shiny haunter, and Mr. Cosmic the alpha Starmie lol
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Hades0918
Nice! Yes they do! Char the Charizard, LaterGatr the Feraligatr, Phoxy the Delphox, Ninja the Greninja, Pins the Chesnaught, and Princessa the Gardevoir. All my names are pretty obvious lol. I really like yours!
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Have y’all genuinely been talking behind my back about how much you are making me nearly explode (irl)? Did you do it with the intention that I would never see this wall and all your devious schemes? Well… I do a weekly wall check! maniacal laughter >:D
06. October-
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Morpekofreako
@RitattakDiva wanna join? When I say the word, you pretend someone I mentioned is new here and welcome them in 😆. @Voltareon2012 is next
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BSDuck
I can join XD
If there’s one thing I love more than
smacking things withleek, it’s ragebaiting people -
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Hades0918
I love that idea! My best Pokemon character is an Infernape named Zane that spends his nights duking it out in possibly illegal fight clubs. He's just a whole lot of aggressive fun. And a wee bit crazy lol
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Morpekofreako
pretty okay. Dad stuff but besides that I got exercise in and so did our dogs, since we went to the dog park. How about you? (Btw I gotta go to downtime on my phone so I’ll see you’re answer in the morning, sorry lol)
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Hades0918
Ah I was doing something (school is that something). My day was good… I'm just… I don't know done. I can feel that I've hit my mental limit but I can't stop
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I think we need to explain it to @BSDuck
This is your prank so you decide but he's genuinely losing it I think
06. October-
BSDuck
Genuinely losing it? I’ve always been mildly deranged it kinda made no difference innocent smile of ragebait
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Hades0918
A THOUSAND COMMENTS!? Amazing job! I thought you were already part of the Forums family but now it's official!
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RitattakDiva
Existence...... What even is existence..... Do we exist because we are real ? Are we real because we exist ? Are we ? Is there even a link between everything ?
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Hades0918
Huh. I've said something similar to that in the past, Ritz! @Morpekofreako check out @BSDuck profile! He's so confused lol! Who next? What about D? Or @UnovaZoroark?
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Hades0918
I know otherwise… Is there a reason you don't want to talk about it? I'm concerned but I will also respect your boundaries if you don't want to answer. I'm just wanting to be there for you
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I feel so tired. Not sleepy. I have stomach pain, and now I feel like plopping in bed. I’m also dehydrated, so that doesn’t help. My body feels like it should go limp. So I’m gonna PLOP. And I’m gonna drink water! And I’m gonna nap… hmm. Maybe I’ll play ZA in a bit. I restarted my profile yesterday. And then I went to Pokemon violet, worked super hard to get wild bombirdier, battle in a Tera raid to get loads of L xp candies and level up to get bombirdier parting shot so that I could give parting shot to Morpeko with a mirror herb and use that Morpeko and my ditto to make a baby Morpeko with parting shot that I could use in ZA at a low level and I named him Nomnomar. :)
01. October-
Hades0918
I feel that not sleepy tired. I've actually said it a lot lately… I hope things get better!
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Morpekofreako
much better! I’m feelin hyped! Today may have been crud but tonight and tomorrow can be good! I mean sure I’ve still got the stomach thing but that’s beside the point! YEEEEEEHAWWWWW! Also I’ve got a bottle of water now
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PokeMom244
@Morpekofreako may I join? OwO pweaseeeee… (u really don't have 2 if u dont want me to)
I know what y'all r doing, it looks fun. and its funny lol -
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