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how can one have the audacity to say they love me yet be the reason that i've met my breaking point, have self-harming thoughts, brought my insanity, felt I couldn't be myself, just cause they wanted to have a 'perfect family', denying that I have any problems in the first place.
013 13UTC October-
Hades0918
I wish I could answer. I'm sorry you must go through what you do. Get treated as you do. I wish you had better. You definitely deserve better.
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clasingla
I have my elder sister she's experienced similar treatment by them she's had selective mutism for years yet only when she was 16 she got diagnosed and got help she needed, yet my parents for the longest time ignored her struggle rubbing it off as just plain shyness instead of what it really was, when we fall behind they threaten we might be in a mental home like my uncle, they turn on their own words and promises if it benefits them even if they promise to try and be better, saying that we are just going to do something anyway then trying to lock it behind what they want you to do
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clasingla
I know you guys care about me this is probably one of the places I feel the most comfortable with, with people who actually care about me instead of my parents who only does so by lip and not by heart
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Hades0918
Yeah, I do want to confirm that I care about you. You're definitely one of my favorite people here. I'm sorry for your sister… I hope that doesn't happen to you. And that's crazy to threaten your child like that… Gods, I hope things get better for you!
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Today's Royale go alright in your book? Not sure when It'll pick back up. I guess it'll be at the pace everyone can respond given we're heading into another week.
012 12UTC October-
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Lonestar85
Crazy day on Royale. Have no idea how id grade myself lol. Completely new to this and Hades was giving me the third degree on keeping track on things and I'm like I can't keep track of everything. Some things are your charge, not mine. 🤣😇🙅
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clasingla
yeah gming is definitely hard but is definetly fun too. how has it been running this have you enjoyed gming? I’d say you’d been doing pretty good with running it adding exciting elements and keeping it fun for the players
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Lonestar85
It's been ok I guess. I'll see if Osho returns tomorrow to hopefully fight back. I really wish he had picked a different Pokémon or I had Homebrewed a better ability for Wimp Out but how can I when it's literally auto-surrender. I have a couple plans concerning it's ability and then a plan C that I may ultimately use.
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Hades0918
I agree with what Cal said. And I'm genuinely sorry! I thought the GM keeps track of that part 😅 I don't even know how Catsuki is doing...
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Lonestar85
I forget how you're doing on the Campaign. I know im 4 Hope, Full HP and no stress after my downtime moves(including new Armor). +1 Evasion to gain the Evasion back(no Gambeson) and +1 Trait(Instinct and Strength). Simple choices. If we get a Pokémon move on Tier-up, I'll take Icy Wind for more AoE fire and guaranteed slow. Otherwise that'll have to wait until level 3 or 4. Most of the group hasn't even made downtime or level-up decisions.
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clasingla
eh not really just everyone has been changing their profile pics to umbreon I haven’t played unite in like a year and a half
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Hades0918
I would go back to Char but this is my Halloween pic. I don't know, Chikorita will always be the only thing that truly matches you to me.
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RitattakDiva
That's good already !
But if I travel two years back, can I use it to go two years back again and again until it's like 2000 years ?
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clasingla
alright have to right college essays since i procrastinate til the last minute and have to do the interviews today
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today will erode away, the pains will slowly melt my mind and I just want to fall, the world is being shoved upon my shoulders with no room to breathe
07 07UTC October-
Hades0918
I wish I could take that burden from you. Or at least part of it. I hope someone can lift it from you soon
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clasingla
I’m surviving have to write all my college essays today I’m very demotivated as the requirements to try to get into the music program are overwhelming and feel unrelated to the field I want to go into I feel i should probably get tested for clinical depression but things are looking up elsewhere I’m starting an in person daggerheart group so that is a little good
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Hades0918
Hey at least there's a bright side! I hope you nail those essays! And the Daggerheart better work out!
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UnovanZorua
That's great about the daggerheart thing! I wish you luck with college. That sounds tough.
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A vase made of intricate eloquence
A spectacle to all one to cure the lament
Appraised as a beauty yet one would never expect
The slow eroding to the vases detriment
yet no one seem to noticed causing the detriment to quicken
Well who could notice someone’s internals being stricken
each day people pass and go with their attitude so ferryweather
No thought to the craft behind this vase only seeing for their pleasure
One night the vase finally shattered
No one came to the crime for they didn’t really care
Now your just a shattered vase ugly and full of despair
To live a life only being seen from the outside
And when it’s gone you become as zeros divide
Now your just shards of glass the epitome of trash
To be scooped up thrown away no legacy to last
04 04UTC October-
Hades0918
Wow. Wow this was just… Perfect. Exactly how society views people. But I'm concerned. I really want to make sure things are okay. I can't force you to open up. But just know I'm here for you if you ever choose to. Amazing poem and have a great day/night.
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clasingla
just that I have no friends at school and when I get home I have no one their to me and my siblings rarely talk and my parents fail to understand me trying to push me to be perfect even though that’s the very thing that’s killing me I’ve also been struggling a lot mentally thinking the world will just keep on moving if I stopped existing that if I am gone tommorow no one would shed a tear because who could like a failure like me reality murders my dreams one by one with each blow leaving me with nothing all hope gone that niave enthusiasm dead because I’ll never be good enough because I lack skill and when I try my best it’s still worse than everyone else and I’m scared for my future if I can’t do anything now how can I even hope of having a good future my old friend group faded out since some of them went to college so I have no one to hang out with the people in my church group are the popular kids so fake with every thing they do leaving me just an outcast an outsider and with no one to talk to and I tried to be friendly and start a blood on the clocktower group and I got around 20 people to say they would join to only be betrayed with only a couple few to come each time which meant I had to cancel it multiple times eventually having to end it cause no one showed up
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Hades0918
Um... okay. I can't be there irl, but I'm definitely here for you on the internet. Because I do care about you. And you're worried about being perfect. I know it probably doesn't mean much from me, but I don't think you need to be perfect. Just be you. Like, if the real you is anything like the guy I know then you're a really cool dude. You have a natural skill at writing and your stories are incredible. You have such amazing ideas and make awesome characters. I wish I could do something about botc... I personally want to join. I Wonder why they would say yes if they didn't mean it though... I'm sorry that didn't work out. You know, being the outcast isn't a bad thing. You're staying true to yourself, not changing to please others. That's a really good thing that I think will get you far in life. You live by your standards and won't lower yourself for others. People will see and respect that,even if it's not right now. If only you could stop trying to live by higher standards... I don't know if anything I said was meaningful but I'm just trying to show I'm here and making effort to help and comfort you. If there's absolutely anything else I'm all ears
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Hades0918
iN MY OPINION IT SHOULD BE. i DON'T (sorry cap locks) get why society looks down on expressing your emotions. Let me cry! Let you cry! Everyone deserves to cry when they need it! Life is tough. We are all dealing with something. So don't judge someone else for letting out their stress. Holding it in only makes things harder
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clasingla
yea i just really felt this a few days back i kind of was having a rough day and i just wanted to cry but i just couldn’t
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Hades0918
I get that… I hope things get better and maybe you can finally let out some tears. It feels amazing when that pressure is finally gone and you can breath again
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I really need to start writing again welp I first have to finish college essays
02 02UTC October -
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I’m planning on going to a blood on the clocktower event in San Francisco that’s happening march 5-7
030 30UTC September -
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clasingla earned the 2,500 Agrees badge.You received 2,500 Agrees. People really notice you, in case you haven't noticed.29 29UTC September-
clasingla
well I was going to see if the amount of agrees was bigger than days lived then I realized that I’ve lived 1000’s of more days then amount of agrees I have
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two puppet masters always beckoning
One of logic one of empathy
An everlasting war inside my brain
To which side creates reason and the other disdain
As my paper body gets strung along
Hitting everything like a gong
But what even I if just a doll
Forever lost in minds fall
027 27UTC September -
I have multiple of some improv piano recordings (not actual songs yet) would you guys want to listen to some of them why I’m writing my more polished stuff
026 26UTC September -
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I feel sort of bad for the user appreciation post cause I feel like I could say more and that I should but I don’t know what to say or realize I don’t know as much as I thought I did about them I feel I’m failing as a friend
026 26UTC September-
Hades0918
Yeah... I actually get that. I felt like for Osho I had so much I should have said but couldn't because I don't know him that well. So I'm just making it a goal to put more effort into the friendship!
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I changed
Figured I'd let you know in case you're Flareon still because I was Vapor
If you're just wanting to be the fire dog right now then just ignore this
023 23UTC September -
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Hades0918
Mine is depression as a metal ball tied to my ankle under water. I feel like I'm suffocating... And procrastination comes with that because it holds me down and refuses to let me go anywhere.
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Hades0918
Hmm... I genuinely can't tell if that's too much. Sorry if it is. You can delete it if you want. Again apologies. Should have thought more before posting
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clasingla
it’s fine, I’ve felt that feeling before too on a few occasions though it’s been a while, I don’t know exactly how to help but if you need me just let me know
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Hades0918
I'll take you up on that offer but I'm not explaining here. I honestly can't explain again. I keep running in a circle saying the same things over and over again. My most recent submission on Fortelling explains it all. You don't have to read it. Don't have to comment. But if you want to know that's where you'll find it
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Hades0918
Never mind I took it down. This isn't to you but to UZ. I promise I asked her first. I got permission. I would never share something like that without her consent. She told me it was fine. I asked again and she said it makes her uncomfortable so I took it down. She didn't tell me she changed her mind I swear. Thanks for saying something.
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clasingla
it’s going to be okay, life will continue on, I know I haven’t been in a situation like yours, but I know what it’s like to put the blame on yourself, don’t be too hard on yourself, your an amazing person who tries their best to be kind to everyone, I wish I knew what more to say, yet I don’t know exactly what you need to hear. If you need to vent more I’ll be willing to listen. If you want me to delete this just let me know.
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Hades0918
No this is fine. I appreciate that. You don't need to say anything. I just felt trapped and I needed to let out my thoughts. Thank you. I truly do appreciate you listening. I'll be okay. I think I just need time. Right now I'm still relying on false hope, which may not be healthy but it keeps me going. But enough about me. If you ever have something bothering you I'll be there. Never hesitate to reach out.
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apologies for commenting on your wall, but appr0val things happen and i need to find workarounds. this is for daggerheart. appr0val usually doesn’t kick in when commenting on my wall, so would it be acceptable if i comment on my wall and ping you when appr0val stops me from commenting my rolls in the thread? if not, i can put up with it.
020 20UTC September -
