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Mystery dungeon story part 5

clasingla
clasingla Member Posts: 2,715 ✭✭✭✭✭
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chapter 5 - into bright grove

“So on here it said you friend got lost in the bright grove mystery dungeon” asked mirage

“Yes, yes, yes, yes” said growlithe enthusiastically “so we’re going to save my friend cherubi right! riggghht?”

“Yes we are” mumble mirage now irritated with growlithe they turned left at the corner

“wait” questioned Leo “isn’t the mystery dungeon the other way”

Growlithe then joked “you chikorita friend Leo is so-o-o-o naive. Doesn’t he know that their is a ton of mystery dungeons” team hopefinders and growlithe finally made it too the bright grotto. They entered it and the Pokémon there were just like the ones in the first mystery dungeon Leo went into soulless husks. After a while leo started to get hungry.

“I’m so hungry I’m getting weaker by the second” Leo groaned

“I don’t have an apple, what’ll I do?” complained mirage tired of the complaints of Leo

“I didn’t know it would take this long” Leo continued. then right in front of him he saw something delicious a big red juicy apple! he ate it immediately not correctly chewing. he didn’t care he was starving! Leo then saw another apple started to head towards it. then he heard a click and some bright light flashed in his eyes. his vision went all blurry, his mind felt foggy, his ears started to ring, he lost all sense of direction after stumbling his mind started to finally clear up.

“You okay” said growlithe sympathetically

“You acted so naive you should always be careful where you’re going. you just stepped on a confusion trap and got the confused status condition.” Scolded mirage very unhappy but deep inside mirage felt more disappointed than mad. she wanted Leo to be a good explorer; she knew that she needed a good exploration team to find her parents but is Leo good enough?

They finally got to the final staircase “that was a lot of floors” exaggerated leo

“It was only 6” explained mirage knowing how naive Leo was

“Wait cherubi there you ar……..” growlithe was then interrupted

“Growlithe you have been so annoying to me I can’t believe you brought an exploration team to find me” cherubi muttered. “I don’t care about the chikorita and hisuin Zorua team I guess me and my actual friend just have to beat you up”. after cherubi said that a sunkern, a burmy, a tyrogue, and a happiny came out.

Comments

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 2,715 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    little rusty so please tons of tips

  • UnovanZorua
    UnovanZorua Member Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    More commas and full stops. Also, I'm starting to feel like Leo gets called naive a bit too much. Using too much of one word can get plain, so maybe use other words like stupid or immature.

  • UnovanZorua
    UnovanZorua Member Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    Also, you should capitalise the first letter in names.

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 2,715 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    should I start writing these again

  • puplover1118
    puplover1118 Member Posts: 521 ✭✭✭
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    Absolutely!

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 2,715 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    part 6 is in the works

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 2,715 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    it’s in waiting for approval