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A reminiscing of my old Pokemon mystery dungeon story

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  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    #12
    https://community.pokemon.com/en-us/discussion/comment/140756#Comment_140756

    Its fine I don't have much plans for a rewrite but if I do it probably will just be chapter 2 anyway or wait until i finish my other stories (feel like that is more important to do because of my 6 month hiatus) I'm mostly doing this to try and figure out what I want to improve on going forward with writing my future stories to try and make them better and to get back into the groove of things when i start writing again

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    #13

    for chapter nine I think I realized I have a weakness at describing battle and combat first with pecharunt now with team tropical i need to make the battle more intense and increase how interesting it is i also think i need to make moments of tension longer and have more of an impact on the character like the monster houses since i didn't encapsulate the dread and danger of encountering a monster house in game and just kind of shrugged it aside

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    #14

    chapter 9.5 was extremely lore filled tho i had some double quotes in there like this " " " " which i wish i did something more like this " ' ' " i like how I improved upon the pecharunt story but then i introduced a character in the story that felt like fluff being Ri

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    #15

    chapter 10 was also alright though i kind of wished i made the chase scene with salamence was a little longer and after reading kecleon it made me reminded of the shops in the town i introduced pretty early on which had absolutely no plot relevence and made me wish i did a few more chapters just in the town instead especially in the earlier part of the story maybe use that time to show character development

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    #16

    chapter 11 starts with me shrugging off the excuse i got for realizing that i can't just keep calling lilly growlithe and probably could have done that way better if the name reveal was in the next chapter instead of this chapter tho saying that was pretty out of the blue I played it very well

    I definitely liked rereading this one the most

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    #17

    chapter 12 i flat out said the message i was trying to make with the story which I am disappointed about also i feel like between chapter 11 and 12 was a good point to have a less plot focused episode with still some of the tension that comes from the events of the story and the toll that they've had on not only the characters but the world and the shape of it but rather than those few nitpicks and missed oppurtunities i really enjoyed this one and am shocked of the improvement from chapter 10 onwards

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    #18

    chapter 13 was really short i kind of wished i made it a little longer and expanded more about jangmo-o maybe changed the way i worded how they spoke instad of something l-ik-e th-is have a writing style l-ke t-is where instead of just seperating words with - maybe make it so the words are incomplete incoherent. also maybe give a bit more hints about the black sludge he was mentioning since it gives some foreshadowing to the events of story 2. also i created a whole backstory for jangmo-o that i think has or is never going to be written and why he is there. when his world was in danger he searched out jirachi to seek a wish and his wish was if the" world were to end that i may be able to not have the same fate to fall upon me." and as he failed to save the world he lost his partner and seeing the world crumble around him, what he fought so hard to protect. those he cared about dissapearing from sight until the destination made itself clear a place unfamiliar. with a dormant threat waiting to strike to a world of deaf ears.

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    #19

    in chapter 14 i think i should have the reveal of cutiefly's backstory revealed when they visited leva falls instead of in the note and the note only to show the location of the final showdown felt like a villain monologue from pollen would have been better to showcase her thoughts her agony her pain her longing for revenge

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    #20

    the only thing i wish for chapter 15 instead of just having uxe explaining what happens in the end was to write a full on epilouge instead also the start of the battle against telilah could have been written better

  • clasingla
    clasingla Member Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭✭✭
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    edited March 26 #21

    honestly these are like all my thoughts on my reread of my first story

    edit: I'm probably not going to specifically look for flaws in my others stories yet and going through improvements probably will still ask for tips when i write them but they are both still in the early stages of writing

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