Candy0_o ✭✭✭✭

I decided that instead of drawing attention by making a whole post, I would do my updates here. And this is probably the most personal and open I'll be on the forums for a while so please try to keep an open mind. I'm human. We all are. And no one's perfect. So I don't want it to be where whenever you see my name you think of this post. I just want to talk about my most prized hobby. And sometimes, I don't feel good about things. And I just want to update you guys on my own well being. You guys are my friends. And even though I might come off rude, I don't h@te you guys. Its just a way I process coping and hurting. And ill stop this long intro and just get into it. Let's see, where to start... I fell into a spiral again 😮‍💨 it was a lot of things at once. I dont really like myself too much, and I think it's because I haven't found my true self. Ive talked a little about my gender identity, but I haven't shared that information with people irl. I tried coming out to two of my closest friends and they shut me down. Made fun of it. They were kinda homophobic and I dont think one of them is now, but still, it hurt. I live in a ghetto area and being non-binary is just putting a big target on your back. And, I just told my friends I didn't remember or that I was confused, and I told them I was trying to keep it a secret, but they still told my friends that didn't know in front of me, and I have it all figured out but its like trying to hold a cup of water in your hands. It keeps spilling. And to make it worse, is ive had a crush on someone in my school and this someone is straight (i think) but i just can't let go and whenever I think about them, and I like them. I truly do. But I don't think its mutual, and ive told people i like someone else when the feelings are still not mutual, and my throat feels like play doh that's being gripped, and it feels like I'm the only one having this problem with being probably the only person in my school to be non binary, and i would be the first person in my whole bl00dline to be non-binary, and I think what would happen if i regret coming out, and I really want to know how people would react If I came out, but I don't know and I just want to sit in a corner and just talk to one of my friends. Im sorry if that was a lot to process at once, I didn't delete anything from what I just said, and all of it was true. Anyways, thank you for reading my venting. I dont mean to burden or anything but I just really needed to put it somewhere. Thank you for just being there for me and talking to me
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